Seeing several events the last couple of days prompted me to take a break from writing about hardcore business and sports to write about being an African-American dad. Two things in particular prompted this: the murder of the young Derrion Albert and watching The Frankie and Neffe show on BET last night where Neffe and her sister were trying to determine if Mr. Randolph was both of their father.
It begged the question: Why is it so tough to be a father for us African-Americans? Why is this rocket science or like putting a man on the moon? Why is it to crazy tough to be an outstanding African-American parent? First of all, it’s not rocket science and the United States put a man on the moon over 40 years ago. If a man can walk on the moon, I can and we can be great black fathers and leaders with a mission to love and protect our youth.
Here’s how:
1). Simply accept that the child is yours. You laid down with the lady to have the baby so man the hell up and accept that the baby is yours. Don’t start weaseling out of it just because you want to claim the lady is some sort of sleaze bag and you never liked her anyway. If she’s pregnant, the baby is yours, period. Live it. Be it. Claim it and stop being a sucka.
2). When the child is a baby, hold the baby, rock the baby. If you’re not in the home with the baby and have beef with the mother, put the beef aside and go get your child. Make the child your priority. Remove excuses. Don’t say you’ve got to go make money so you can’t see your child. Go get your child.
3). Make sure you have an apartment or house and a room for your child. Don’t go get a studio apartment but you have 3 kids out on the planet and no room to have them at your house. Your house should also be your kids’ house. Make room for your kids.
4). Be involved and active with your child and not just your son who shares your name. I’m tired of cats only relating to the boy because the boy is a junior. Relate to your child whether it’s a girl or a boy. Man up. Understand the differences and spend time with your son and your daughter. No excuses. The black race needs no more weak excuses for why you can’t be there and spend time.
5). Take an active and leadership role in your child’s school work.
6). Call your child daily or weekly. I don’t care if you don’t have a phone. Find one. Call your child once a day and check in. If you can’t call once per day, call 3 times per week. Show, by action, that you care and you will improve the confidence of your son and/or daughter. Call them. No excuses. Call. They don’t have to call you and check on you unless you’re an idiot. Your job is to call them and not sit back and wait for them to call you. You’re the adult. They are the child.
7). Every other week, call your child’s teacher and school. Make sure the school knows who you are by name and/or face. Make sure the child sees you come up to the school and make sure your child knows that you care about their well being and about their school. Our children’s self esteem is tied to this. If they know daddy cares, they do better.
8). Don’t neglect your kid because your new lady can’t stand your child’s mother. Who gives a mess about your new lady and her feelings. Your feelings about your child outweigh your new lady. She is NOT priority. Your child is priority. Your new lady’s kids are NOT your priority. Your child is your priority. You take control of your relationship with your child, not some new chick. She can be gone tomorrow. You and your kid will be here until God takes you.
9). Understand your own importance. If you feel terrible about yourself it typically reflects in your relationship with your child. Build your confidence and your self-esteem and that will translate to your child. Man up, stand up, and stay strong. Build a strong relationship with God to build up your confidence.
10). Tell your child that you love them. Tell them every time you see them. Love heals relationships. Love heals all. Give love and be loved and you will have love and happiness to heal a sin sick world. Good luck, black man!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSe5r_lZ98k]
