Had an interesting conversation with my female friend regarding her husband who happens to be laid off from his job. She goes on to tell me that he’s depressed, having a hard time getting off the couch, sleeping all day, and is pretty much not feeling well about this job loss. Yes, he went to unemployment and filed and got it. Yes, he applied for an EBT card and got the food stamps. But, for some crazy reason, she, as a black woman, feels compelled to remind him about every two or three days to look for a job.
I told her that this is crazy and utter nonsense. A real man does not need to be reminded to go look for a job. Her husband is a stand up dude. I know him. He’s smart, strong, knows his worth, and completely goes after getting really good jobs. He’s not a slacker in any sense. She keeps pushing him and does not know how to be supportive of him. This very fact compelled me to write this blog post.
Attention Black Women: We, black men, do NOT need you to be mothers to us. We do not need a woman who needs to remind us of the complete obvious fact. When we get depressed and not feeling well, it’s not the end of the world and you don’t need to help pick us up off of the couch. We will do that for ourselves. Learn to let go and fall back and not be so pushy. It’s okay that he’s depressed. Look around you. Look at what’s happening in the economy. Sometimes it’s okay to be depressed for a minute. If you know his history and have been with him for years, why react in such a pushy way? If you know that he always gets a job and knows he always takes care of the family, why push?
We, men, do NOT want pushy. We do not respect that and this is why men will go off astray with the chick that works at Starbucks. She’s not pushy. She doesn’t want anything. She doesn’t present the headache that the wife will present in hard times. If you want a good relationship, I suggest everyone relax and recognize when a man is having a hard day, week, month, or year. Let him be. You don’t have to push him into success!
