BET Producer Kristen V. Carter
Last night I had a conversation with yet another 30-something year old man who has taken a step back from dating. I am meeting alot of “exhausted” good men who are tired of dealing with women. They love ‘em but for now, they’re leaving ‘em alone! Now, there’s always been a misunderstanding between the male/female minds, but I think it’s safe to say that with the “I’m an independent woman, hear me roar” and the “Man, I’m just gonna do me” attitudes running rampant, no one is trying to deal with the BS anymore.
Why is there such a break down between the sexes? And the unsolved mystery – what can we do to get it together?
So let’s take a step back. One of my ultimate pet peeves is an adult asking a young person (ages 11-16), “So…do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” I HATE THAT! It’s not cute. From my eyes, inquiries like this indirectly pressure kids to start thinking about the opposite sex. And I truly don’t understand what for! Maybe I’m rigid in my thinking but no young person under the age of 19 (and that’s still low) needs to even be considering dealing with anyone on a serious level. How are we gonna effectively communicate with someone when we haven’t even figured ourselves out?!?
We women are taught very early on to think of marriage and babies. From the moment we come into this world, we receive doll babies, little doll houses, we’re holding bottles for our Baby Alive, etc. I was always a Cabbage Patch and Muppets-type kid but for the most part, women receive these kinds of messages throughout our entire lives. I’m not sure what men are thinking about – maybe rough housing, school, sports – but I’m starting to hear that through the messages women get, we’re putting undue pressure on our male counterparts before it’s time. That kind of pressure can be anything from “gimme a kiss” to “be my prom date” to “I wanna have your baby” to “why won’t you marry me.” I’ve seen both men and women lose focus before they even knew what goals and dreams to focus on because they got caught up in relating. Now of course, every situation is different. Again, this is from my perspective.
Fast-forward to now. I am 24 years old. I have liked several people in my day, but haven’t dated seriously. I used to think there was something wrong with that but now I see the distinct advantages of that. I know alot of “caught up” folks, and I know a lot of people who feel they wasted their youth trying to “play house” and have an adult relationship. You know that whole “wifey” thing – and by the way, what is “wifey”?!? I’m not knocking love in any way (I love to love!) BUT I am seriously alarmed by the number of people who feel trapped, hopeless in life and the pursuit of their goals cause they’re under some man or woman.
Kristen V. Carter can be found online at her JazziDreamer Blog.
