After dropping her cell phone at a party, Alesha takes it and searches through it looking for answers. Produced by Shirley Vernae Williams.
Actor/Singer Tyrese Gibson gives a message of hope to ladies in abusive relationships.
A good sistah needs to be treated as such and I recommend finding new and exciting places to take your date. Do more than dinner and a movie. This gets tired although many women will say that’s enough.
Ok brovas, listen up. Valentines Day is upon us once again and once again I hear all kinds of dating horror stories. Men: listen carefully. Do not focus on buying your lady all kinds of stuff for Valentine’s Day. Instead, find out if your relationship is real. Focus on the relationship and not the purchase of monetary items to woo her.
A woman like’s a man who is communicative and talks about a lot of things with her. Find out who she is and find out what she wants to do. Also, don’t be so willing to risk it all and focus on one woman in the beginning of y’all relationship. Ask me how I know. Lockin’ in one one woman in the beginning of a relationship is relationship suicide. Still pursue her and be romantic but keep pursuing other women as well until you all have established that it’s your two and only you two.
A good sistah needs to be treated as such and I recommend finding new and exciting places to take your date. Do more than dinner and a movie. This gets tired although many women will say that’s enough. It’s not and both of y’all will become bored with each other quickly. Find new stuff to do no matter what city you live in. Do something creative. If you need suggestions, ask a brotha, I’ll help you out.
I used to hate girls. I thought they were just good for stealing your man, and then laughing in your face. I know, I know…a bit dramatic but very true. Throughout my adolescence, I had my fair share of girl groups.
BET Producer Kristen V. Carter
Guest blog post by screen/script writer Kristen V. Carter CEO of Jazzi Entertainment and BET show producer.
I used to hate girls. I thought they were just good for stealing your man, and then laughing in your face. I know, I know…a bit dramatic but very true. Throughout my adolescence, I had my fair share of girl groups. All of the cliques started off like sisterhood societies – sleepovers, secret handshakes, loud negroidian chants, and complete with official names and symbols! But of course as kids change, arguments fly, and hormones rage, those relationships fizzled out faster than…yes, faster than that!
By the time I was 20, I decided “to hell with female friends.” There were a few cool people that I remained friends with through the years but for the most part, I was pretty ashamed of my gender’s catiness and disloyalty. I didn’t understand why most of my friend’s friendships ended because of dudes that are oh so fine in high school but will dry up by the time we graduate from college. Yes, this does happen alot! So I started collecting male friends. Typically, I like(d) being the only female in a group of dudes because they’re generally pretty simple and easy to get along with. I don’t mean simple like dunce simple. I just mean pretty basic in cutting to the chase in regards to feelings, situations, etc. (I’m not sure how basic they are now that I’m a few years wiser but I digress…)
I despised girl groups so much that I avoided them and made fun of them. (I know – real mature, Kris!) Even if the people were cool, I’d always sorta tilt my face to the side and say, “There’s at least one shady B-I in this group…now who is she?!?” But then a strange phenomenon started to occur – as my friend circle started to grow post-college, I not only gained more male friends but I just started meeting really cool people in general. Men and women just not about the okie-doke, just wanting to have fun and be folks. Now, as I think about it in retrospect, I became way more open to sharing who I am as opposed to being on guard that someone’s gonna hurt my feelings or as I said earlier, take my man and run…LOL
A few days ago I bumped into a family member of one of my former friends. For some reason, she still hasn’t gotten over the fact that her niece and I are not friends. But I guess I can understand…leaving a friend behind is like breaking up with the whole family. No, it is breaking up with the whole family so when anyone sees you, they just give you this kinda pouty look like, “Awww, why didn’t you make it work? I’m still mad you aren’t friends.” In previous years, I’d always respond, “Well, tough!” (lol) but there’s no need to be that way anymore. People truly come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime and if they are meant to stay or make their way back full circle, they will.
The closer I have become to my friends and cousins, the more I recognize just how important it is to have brotherly and sisterly bonds. Specifically, to be able to laugh at yourself, vent and have sisters give you insight on more mature and womanly situation. Ha. Seriously! So, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to all the women who have allowed me to burn their ears recently. I believe you know who you are! Thank you for being sisters to me.
Guys, you know I got you on Men’s Day…I seem to have something long winded to say every time that holiday comes around. 
Young men and women looking for love in all the wrong places and the wrong ways. Young women want to be “committed” (whatever that word means at 18 – hmph!) while young men are just putting up with it so they can have someone to poke.
BET Producer Kristen V. Carter
Young men and women looking for love in all the wrong places and the wrong ways. Young women want to be “committed” (whatever that word means at 18 – hmph!) while young men are just putting up with it so they can have someone to poke. Either the guys got weasled into a relationship or they are just going with the flow and wind up shrugging their shoulders about it. Of course there are always the folks just looking to poke and move, and even the ones who do establish some kind of friendship but they end up confused and heartbroken.
Then, the gentlemen have already been hurt, so now they really don’t give an f and have turned into men just looking to poke. And now, there’s this phenomenon of the liberated woman also looking to poke cause they can’t be bothered. This leaves us with a whole lot of poking and not a lot of emotional attachment. A lot of whining and complaining to our friends, but no “stick and stay” kind of bonds.
Everyone is exhausted! And it doesn’t stop there; it just gets progressively worse! The 30-something single women don’t wanna be single. The 30-something single man has taken themselves off the playing field (until they start dating younger). The 20-something year old woman writes off 20-something year old men because those men haven’t dealt with their feelings enough to know what they are actually feeling. The 20-something year old man plays the field because there’s a 20:1 ratio out here, until he eventually gets tired of that and he wants to actually settle down a bit. But then realizes all the late 20, 30-something single women are itching for marriage and babies and that’s too much. And then everyone’s giving ultimatums and ending up broken up anyway.
Gosh, doesn’t that cycle just suck! Do I even wanna get in that? Where do I fall in the mess? Or will I find myself in a different playing field because I’m observing this before jumping in with my eyes closed? This is a never-ending topic…because we are directly and indirectly affected by societal images. We’re internalizing what our family and friends think, we’re constantly replaying our own life experiences, and then finally, we may or may not get to the point where we can point out what we may hope or desire…and how we get there.
Dog on it, learning new people is supposed to be fun! I thought loving and learning is/was natural! When did expectations – we’re gonna jump from point A to X – become the ultimate kill joy?
So here’s what I’m doing cause I’m trying to avoid that ugly rat race. I don’t claim that whole “independent woman” nonsense because I think that’s a total cop out – if you’re about your business, you don’t need to scream it, just do it! I’m learning to listen to men. Ladies, do not go to your female friends to get advice on guys. What the hell kinda sense does that make? Go to the source! And lastly, I try to avoid doing things that would cause me to wanna put pressure on myself or the guy. And that’s it, I’m done. And even in all this, of course I wanna try new things and be on someone’s arm, blah blah, but not with all that other stuff. Jim-mo-ne Pete, who needs that!? Not I!
Kristen V. Carter can be reached and seen at her Jazzi Dreamer website.
Why is there such a break down between the sexes? And the unsolved mystery – what can we do to get it together?
BET Producer Kristen V. Carter
Last night I had a conversation with yet another 30-something year old man who has taken a step back from dating. I am meeting alot of “exhausted” good men who are tired of dealing with women. They love ‘em but for now, they’re leaving ‘em alone! Now, there’s always been a misunderstanding between the male/female minds, but I think it’s safe to say that with the “I’m an independent woman, hear me roar” and the “Man, I’m just gonna do me” attitudes running rampant, no one is trying to deal with the BS anymore.
Why is there such a break down between the sexes? And the unsolved mystery – what can we do to get it together?
So let’s take a step back. One of my ultimate pet peeves is an adult asking a young person (ages 11-16), “So…do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” I HATE THAT! It’s not cute. From my eyes, inquiries like this indirectly pressure kids to start thinking about the opposite sex. And I truly don’t understand what for! Maybe I’m rigid in my thinking but no young person under the age of 19 (and that’s still low) needs to even be considering dealing with anyone on a serious level. How are we gonna effectively communicate with someone when we haven’t even figured ourselves out?!?
We women are taught very early on to think of marriage and babies. From the moment we come into this world, we receive doll babies, little doll houses, we’re holding bottles for our Baby Alive, etc. I was always a Cabbage Patch and Muppets-type kid but for the most part, women receive these kinds of messages throughout our entire lives. I’m not sure what men are thinking about – maybe rough housing, school, sports – but I’m starting to hear that through the messages women get, we’re putting undue pressure on our male counterparts before it’s time. That kind of pressure can be anything from “gimme a kiss” to “be my prom date” to “I wanna have your baby” to “why won’t you marry me.” I’ve seen both men and women lose focus before they even knew what goals and dreams to focus on because they got caught up in relating. Now of course, every situation is different. Again, this is from my perspective.
Fast-forward to now. I am 24 years old. I have liked several people in my day, but haven’t dated seriously. I used to think there was something wrong with that but now I see the distinct advantages of that. I know alot of “caught up” folks, and I know a lot of people who feel they wasted their youth trying to “play house” and have an adult relationship. You know that whole “wifey” thing – and by the way, what is “wifey”?!? I’m not knocking love in any way (I love to love!) BUT I am seriously alarmed by the number of people who feel trapped, hopeless in life and the pursuit of their goals cause they’re under some man or woman.
Kristen V. Carter can be found online at her JazziDreamer Blog.
This interview is very good and informative for black love and black relationships. Hard to believe some of it but it’s very good.
This interview is very good and informative for black love and black relationships. Hard to believe some of it but it’s very good.
Since I’ve discovered from a few female friends that black men do not know how to date, I thought I’d publish a few tricks of the trade for us men given to me by trusted and successful black women. 1). Before you ask a lady out, come up with at least three ideas of where [...]
Since I’ve discovered from a few female friends that black men do not know how to date, I thought I’d publish a few tricks of the trade for us men given to me by trusted and successful black women.
1). Before you ask a lady out, come up with at least three ideas of where to take her. Through probing and casual conversation on the phone, ask her what she likes to do. Ask her where she likes to go. Find out if she likes outdoors stuff or prefers movies and dinner.
2). Ask her out on a date. Physically call her on the phone and ask her if she is free on Saturday night and ask her to go out on a date.
3). Be cultured. Find out different things even if she says she is simple and likes dinner and movies. She can do these things on her on. She can easily go see Precious by herself or with her girlfriends. Find out if she likes live theatre, comedy shows, concerts, etc. Take her to go see an Alvin Ailey performance.
4). After she agrees, drive to her house and pick her up or if she is uncomfortable with you knowing where she lives, pick her up at a public place. Do not meet her at the place. Not cool even if she is insistent upon doing that. Ask her politely if you could pick her up and drive.
5). Have conversation. Women and especially black women LOVE to talk. Women love a man who can converse back and forth and not just sit there agreeing with everything she says. Also, do not use the opportunity to be grandiose and beat your chest and talk about how successful you are. Ultimately, women don’t care about that unless she herself is shallow.
6). Be confident but not overly aggressive. Women love confidence but they don’t want someone to push the limits. Find the line and know where it is with each different woman. Each woman has a different line for this. Find out by asking her and learning who she is.
7). Even if a woman acts like she loves sex, never discuss sex with her on the date unless she brings it up. Women never like men who always talk about sex. Black women love to fantasize with music artists and their songs but in real practice, they do NOT like people talking to them about sex. Understand this and never mention it unless they do. And even if a woman mentions sex, touch on it ever slightly but do not dwell on it.
8). Tell her you like her if you do. You need to be able to read your date and understand if she feels you or not. Understand the signs she gives off. If she doesn’t like you, bounce.
Black love where art thou? It seems like more and more black people are just living life single, raising kids and genuinely happy with this role. My white friends that I grew up with are mostly married with their first wives/husbands or possibly their second. I see them on Facebook and they don’t even consider [...]
Black love where art thou? It seems like more and more black people are just living life single, raising kids and genuinely happy with this role. My white friends that I grew up with are mostly married with their first wives/husbands or possibly their second. I see them on Facebook and they don’t even consider being and raising their kids by themselves for the most part.
Obviously, I’m not naive to think that white people don’t have failed marriages and relationships but I think black people have become accustomed to this lifestyle more than any others. I could reach into our historic past and find every reason under the sun to discuss prejudice and “keeping the black man down” but it doesn’t apply.
Have we, black people, become so used to being single that this is the new way of life? Do we not know how to love and share in love and relationships with one another? My good friend, Adisa Banjoko, has been with his wife since high school and they are still in love after many many years with three beautiful kids. Unfortunately, this is not the norm. Is Mr. and Mrs. Banjoko different from the rest of us? Is there a secret to love?
I don’t think so. I think we need to accept love of ourselves and truly do this. We need to teach, preach, honor, and accept love first and foremost of ourselves. After this, we can open our hearts and love another person and build solid relationships based upon trust, honor, and love.
I was talking to a friend on Twitter @Kandacem, a professional black woman in Atlanta who runs her own Event Management and Consulting business. Kandace posted a Tweet about a man who had an interest in her but she had denied him. He then came back around wanting to influence her to change her mind [...]
I was talking to a friend on Twitter @Kandacem, a professional black woman in Atlanta who runs her own Event Management and Consulting business. Kandace posted a Tweet about a man who had an interest in her but she had denied him. He then came back around wanting to influence her to change her mind with material possessions.
This interesting state of events begged the question: Do black men think black women can be easily pursuaded with money? Is this the culture that we live in even during a recession? Do black women hold money as a standard and rule for dating first and foremost and then find out who the person is after that?
As a man, I cannot answer this. I can give my opinion but I really need the ladies to answer. I was once dating someone for awhile and I showered her with gifts because I loved to do that. I loved seeing her face light up when I bought her a Louis Vuitton bag from Lenox or some jewelry from Tiffany’s. I must admit, I was very upset when she broke it off with me and I did accuse her of just wanting gifts and material items from me and accepted that while we were dating. I don’t really think that now because I believe in her heart that she’s a great person and not materialistic. Afterall, it was I that got the gifts. She never asked. And I do NOT think all black women just want to date money. I think the realest sistahs want true love and true relationships and want us to be there for them and find a best friend and mate.
A true relationship is like Michelle Obama and President Obama. She rode with him when his car had holes in the floor board!
