Gerard Spinks UndagroundMilli

Guest Blog Post by screen/script writer and BET producer Kristen V. Carter of Jazzi Dreamer Entertainment.

I received a lot of email replies, texts, and phone calls to last week’s Mixed Messages post where I discussed a few of the issues I’m witnessing in the dating circuit. And one thing’s clear – people are seeking answers or just plain bowing out of the playing field. I’m so thrilled that this is becoming an open dialogue because it’s long overdue! I get the sense that men and women have taken relating back to the high school dance days, when the boys were standing on one side of the gym talking to each other while the girls are on the other side twirling their hair. They don’t know where to start so they just quit trying! Well, it’s time to get back on the dance floor, the court, whatever you wanna call it and start making some progression.

Shoot, if the women out here are too proud to say it, I’ll say it. We need you to be leaders! We need you (MEN) to come home! And while I’m screaming this, I’m sure my male counterparts would say something of equal weight in regards to women.

So, when did we get so lost? When did having an intact family unit become such a far-fetched idea? Let’s even take it down a peg – When did complementing each other become so damn hard?!? I have this conversation ALL the time, but it’s seriously time to take a look at ourselves and not only look at the problem, but start working our way to a solution. I’ve heard murmurings that male and female roles have gotten all confused with the Feminist movement; I’ve also heard that families used to bond over the societal struggle but are now fighting each other; and this is the most common and most simple one of them all – men and women just feel like they could do bad or really great all by themselves.

I’m not sure how to feel because I have no desire to compete with a man. However, I know the miscommunication that we’re experiencing as a people is not by accident. I will never see America through a (Black) man’s eyes but I acknowledge that there are extreme differences. Our society is set up to lead our young men astray at an early age so there’s not even a chance for them. And while they’re being distracted, somehow our women have started to climb educational and professional ladders and are now waving down at what had been their high school/college sweethearts who made one bad move and changed their paths forever.

But what about the men who have been able to climb the “straight & narrow” and navigate the American landslide? The last time I checked, they are getting tired of us women too. What is the cause of that? I don’t know, I just don’t know…(Men, if you want to write back, please do!)

Have men been challenged so much – by police, by society, by our past, by increased gender equality – that they are just deciding to take a backseat? Or are our women running them out of the house instead of welcoming them with open arms? Have women gotten so sick of leaning on a man for support (emotional, financial, social, whatever) that they’ve decided to just think about “ME”? Or are men giving us a reason to just close the door cause we’d be better off entertaining ourselves solo than trying to consider him? Lastly, am I just naïve or are trifling people just strong arming good men and women and making it bad for the good folk?

This issue is so complex and there are so many levels to this. It’s even more than learning to leave the corporate world at our doors. We’re talking at each other, not with each other. But did we EVER talk to each other? Or did we just decide to quit dealing with each other?

Sigh. There’s still hope. But it’s time to get shaking now, cause I’m about tired of hearing the same ol blues from men and women. If you’re not having fun learning him/her, there’s no point. Men, I appreciate you and if you forget that us women want you around (hence why we’re kicking and screaming in the first place), please listen to Jill Scott’s We Need You.